This is part 2,to read part 1 click here.
An ambulance was called and two female women came. They ran loads of tests,it turns out my eyes were still dilated from my overdose (on the 16th) and my heart/breathing was irregular. I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act 136,which means I was under police care and couldn’t be left on my own.
The police chased down my Mum and was able to get confirmation Willow was okay and able to stay with her. They had to do this to ensure Willow didn’t need to be taken into temporary foster care basically.
I was taken to Preston Hospital by ambulance and accompanied by a female officer,a male officer followed behind us in a police van. More regular boring tests were carried out on ambulance and in the hospital. I was discharged and taken to a secure,isolated MH unit a few miles away in Lancaster. I was detained and unable to leave my room. A member of staff had to be with me at all times,they switched hourly and had a walkie talkie with them incase I kicked off.
I was here for three days. I facetimed Willow about 3 times every single day,but the wifi connection was terrible and it would drop and disconnect every 5 seconds. It killed me being so far away from her and unable to hug her. I remember the first time I facetimed her after being away for awhile,she tried to grab me through the phone and it made me cry.
Soon enough though,I was discharged by police and made a voluntary patient at a ward closer to home. I obviously didn’t really have a choice in the situation,I wanted to be home with my daughter but I wasn’t allowed. A ward closer to home was my best option whether I went voluntarily or not. The difference was,if I was to remain detained in the ward near home,I wouldn’t have been allowed to see my baby.
When I arrived it was super late at night,I don’t remember much. I had to wait up for a Nurse to come and check me over,run tests-regular shit before I could sleep. The next morning,I was woke for breakfast and I refused because frankly I was in shock.
The patient next door to me,came and introduced herself. She invited me to come and sit out with her and she’d introduce me to others. I don’t want to go into details of other patients like their names or reasons for being on the ward, but they were all honestly so nice and thoughtful etc.
Being the impatient mother I am,I wanted to see Willow and when visiting times came around my Mum brought her and my sister but they weren’t allowed in as you have to hire the family 24 hours in advance as children under 16 aren’t allowed on the ward. I was absolutely heartbroken. I saw my Mum though for an hour,then she left because she couldn’t leave my sister with baby for too long.
A nurse came to my room about half an hour later and said the family room was available for 20 minutes. My Mum,sister and Willow were waiting in there for me. I got told even though it was hard,that when my time was up I’d have to leave otherwise they would revoke my visitation rights.
Willows behaviour was very odd. She’s normally an extremely happy,chatty,hyperactive baby but she was so different. It was horrible having to leave her. It just goes to show that babies are more aware than we think and can be affected by situations they’re not used to.
I spent most of my time alone in my room,I’d go out of my room at night when the main room wasn’t as busy. Plus I fancied one of the male night nurses so it was always great seeing him to be honest. I made friends and am still friends with one of the girls who was absolutely lovely and always made me hot chocolate to make me feel better.
There was also a night nurse who plaited hair to cheer patients up and I haven’t had my hair plaited in so long,I genuinely felt like I was back in primary school. There was loads of activities to do during the day like relaxation classes,I took part in one. I didn’t think it would do anything but give me the giggles and I actually fell asleep. We had a pool table,tennis table and all kinds of other stuff but no one really did anything.
One day,I asked my sister to bring as many photos of Willow as she could find because I had a board in my room. I didn’t know how long I was going to be in there for and I wanted to make my room as homely as possible.
One night,the same girl who makes the hot chocolates ordered Chinese takeaway and gave me a fortune cookie. I kept it on my board and I still have it to this day as I reminder of where I’ve been,it reads “Your future looks bright”,it really motivated me to get discharged when I was on the ward.
I really wasn’t myself,I was constantly anxious because of other patients. Some would wander the corridors,yelling at people that didn’t exist. Some would stay in their rooms all the time and scream at all hours of the night. Some were incredibly violent and aggressive. There was such a mix of very different people with very different problem.
I was also the baby of the ward,which honestly worked in my favour because it meant everyone looked after me. The elderly patients really looked after me,making sure I wasn’t cold and always had food-I don’t know why all elderly people are feeders,they just are. The other Mums looked after me too and we’d often talk about our babies at home. The men often stayed to themselves and the violent patients left me alone,simply because of my age. If I was older,I’m sure they would’ve started randomly on me too as they did with pretty much everyone else.
One day,my Grandma bought me some colouring pens and paper. I ran out of paper and was extremely anxious. Colouring and drawing is extremely therapeutic,especially on a ward with a shitty wifi connection. The male night nurse I had a crush on because actually hand carved from god himself gave me this colouring book,that I still have.
In terms of care,honestly we were just left to ourselves. We had medication times,where we would receive our meds,if we needed them. Some patients had one on one care in their rooms and others like me,were left to do there own thing.
When I was finally discharged;I was given one ten minute follow up appointment,where I was finally diagnosed with BPD and then dismissed. I didn’t even get a leaflet with information on what the hell BPD is,I was left to do my own research and everything like that.
2/10. Would not recommend xo
P.S It might be worth mentioning,I saw Willow everyday I was there for an hour in the family room. She was very weird in those days and for a few days when I got home.She was extremely clingy and would wake up in the night to make sure I was still there. It was awful.