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Dear Emma,

Thank you.

We had been to the same highschool but we didn’t know eachother back then. We first met after you found out we were going to be attending the same college and after speaking on Facebook for a few weeks, you invited me to go to a party with you. WE clicked instantly and it was like I had known you my whole life. Thank you for being one of the people to kick me up the ass and get me leaving the house again.

You were always so honest with your opinions on the guys I was dating and made it very clear you didn’t approve of my choices. I will never forget the rants I’d receive whenever I took a dickhead back after promising I wouldn’t.

I love how we never said ‘hi,how are you?’ you’d just jump right in with a rant or some gossip or straight up tell me how you were doing and vice versa. I miss our conversations so much. I miss being able to pop up at any hour,mainly during the night and getting one of your huge motivational paragraphs.

I miss you so much.

You will never understand how grateful I am that you were apart of my life. You were there when nobody else was. When I was in the mental health unit you were the only friend who didn’t ditch me and reminded me why I was here.

You will never know how grateful I am that you were in Willows. I remember how excited you were when we found out I was pregnant and how motivated you were to meet her.

I will never forget how excited you were when I asked you to be her godmother. There was nobody else I trusted or wanted. When I knew we were going to christen her I knew instantly it would be you. You were someone I knew I could rely on to take care of my baby and I know you will look out for her from heaven. She will always know who you are, your ‘lil squishy’.

When I had nothing for Willow,you provided her with everything. I will never forget when you told us you’d found a cot for us,we were so desperate and Auntie Emma came through! I will never forget you walking in our house with your Mum with a walker and 3 or 4 massive bags of clothes,blankets and all sorts of random baby shit. Your poor Mum was struggling to carry them all out of the car they were that big.

I don’t think I could’ve planned Willows first birthday without your input and I know you will be there in spirit.

I will think of you whenever Ed Sheeran plays,which is an awful lot and it makes me so happy that you got to meet him.

I promise to keep every single promise I made to you and I will always look for you in the night sky. I can’t wait to catch up with you when my time is up and talk about all our crazy adventures.

Thank you so much for being the best second Mummy to our girl. We love you so fucking much and I miss you more and more every single day.

I love you,sleep tight x

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Emma Louise Cosgrove 17th June 1998- 24th June 2017. Forever 19.

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Willow’s Tenth Month Update

This month has been incredibly special but also devastating. I’ll start with the positives first though I think.

Willow has finally learnt how to clap. I feel as though most babies do this much earlier but Willow was never interested beforehand.

She has also started to take steps! Which is absolutely crazy and I hate it so much because I just want her to be little forever but I am so incredibly proud of her.

She loves Peppa Pig more than anything and anyone. Her excitement when Peppa comes on TV or we’re reading her Peppa Pig storybook is adorable and I savour every single moment.

If she’s not sleeping then she’s eating. She loves food which is great but she is getting so big!! My tiny 6lbs 4oz baby is more than double that now!!

She’s been sleeping in her cot! It was more me than her,I’d let her sleep in her cot until I missed her and then she would be back in my arms but still a good milestone to mention.

Her two top teeth are coming through which has been a bit of a nightmare. She’s forever biting and crying in pain and it hurts my heart.

We’ve had to get rid of her car walker/bouncer/swing in one that her Aunt Emma got her a few months ago as she has now started to climb on it when in her seat.

She also had a cute push-a-long lion thingy that she sat on,she had it for five minutes before we had to put it away as all she wants to do is climb!

She’s mastered climbing onto the sofa..I can’t.

She still fits in 3-6 and 6-9 mainly even tho..her birthday..is exactly ONE MONTH AWAY. I’m so emotional! I cannot believe she is one soon. I can’t deal. My heart can’t handle it.

Annoyingly,she has learnt how to strip and take her onesies off. How? I have no idea. She is quite strong for her age though.

Towards the end of the month,she’s started sleeping through the night in her cot without a bottle!! Waking at 7am!

She is such a happy baby and I couldn’t be more proud of how big she’s getting. Every little milestone makes my heart burst with pride.

Sadly,this month she had experienced her first loss,obviously she’s too young to understand but I promise she will never forget. For those who don’t know my best friend Emma Cosgrove gained her wings on the 24th June. She was Willow’s second Mummy and my heart is completely broken.

My focus has been getting little things to help Willow remember and know who Emma is as she is growing up. I’ve got her a canvas of one of my most favourite photos of newborn Willow cripping Em’s finger printed and a necklace with an angel wing and a heart with the letter E. Its so important to me that Willow always remembers who Emma is,she was her godmother and now she is her guardian angel.

Sorry if this one has been shorter than others,in all honesty, I haven’t the motivation to write every thing shes been up to this month as my heart is too broken but I knew I wanted to be consistent with the monthly updates. Hope you understand x