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An Open Letter To Willows Father

In the off chance,you still stalk me and sees this or someone you know sent this to you..

Hi,I hope you are well.

I won’t hold grudges towards you and the things you’ve done. This is your chance to put down your weapons and do right by Willow.

Firstly,let me make you aware of some of the incredible milestones and memories you have missed out on. Not be bitter or rub it in your face but so you know what your little angel has been doing. (Of course you can always skip this bit if its too much for you right now.)

  • She had her first kiss-yep. Shocking I know,not impressed either.
  • She had her first birthday. It breaks my heart knowing you wasn’t around for her that day.
  • She had her first birthday cake,she loved the candle a bit too much.
  • She learnt how to say “Birthday”.
  • She now occasionally brings a clean nappy to us when she needs her bum changed.
  • She’s always blowing kisses.
  • She went to a fair and went on some rides. She had the best day ever.
  • She likes to strip naked and run around. She takes all her clothes off and nappy herself and streaks around the livingroom,laughing her head off.
  • Peppa Pig is the only love of her life. She only has room in her heart to love Peppa. Its her obsession.
  • She walks everywhere,no such thing and crawling for this babe no more.
  • She sings along to certain nursery rhymes..well tries but its the thought that counts.
  • She holds hands with whoever,when we’re walking in the park.
  • She’s in big girl nappies/pull ups.
  • She is in her big girl carseat now too.

She is such a happy,confident,chatty and well behaved child. She truly is a little angel. She is so caring and gentle with others,loves animals. She does me proud every single day.

This is an invitation to leave the past in the past,to erase any bad blood between us,to stop scoring points and twisting things.. so you don’t have to miss out on anything more. You still have a chance to step up and be the Dad that our girl deserves. She is the innocent in all of this and she deserves all the best love,support,care,nurturing etc of both parents.

I believe strongly this was dealt with in the worst possible way.

I do have rules,strict rules and guidelines to ensure my babygirl doesn’t get let down or hurt again. To ensure she isn’t waiting for her Daddy to show up on another birthday,just for him to not bother and for him to spend her birthday money on some skank.

If you have grown as a person. If you have matured and changed your ways. If you no longer have an issue with lying. If you can be honest,trustworthy and kind.If you’re willing to see my girl consistently,but supervised by me, until she is used to you again. Until you can be trusted. If you’re willing to consistently pay a set amount of maintenance and put your child’s needs above your own selfish wants. If you can be a father to her,set an example,encourage her,love her,help her etc for the rest of her life..

You know how to contact me. For the last few weeks,you have known you could’ve just hit that unblock button,sent an apology and arranged something. I figured if you truly cared then you would’ve done it by now. Another part of me,really hopes you might just be scared or nervous,which is why I’m attempting to reach out to you this way.

If you’re satisfied and happy with your life the way it currently is and you don’t miss Willow or you ain’t willing to negotiate and stick to a routine with her..then there is no reason to reach out, I just need you to sign your signature to allow me to change her last name and parental figure to just me. I really hope for her sake that this isn’t the case as she deserves both parents.

I still want our baby to have those “family memories” of trips to the zoo, beach or trips out to the park or shopping days. Surely,at this point,having taken ourselves away from the situation,we are mature and responsible enough to do so? I don’t know about you but I’ve done a hell of a lot of growing up the last few weeks,I’ve changed into a person I’m proud of. Someone Willow can look up to and be proud of. I’ve got a long way to go mind but for the first time in two years I am content with who I am and where I’m at.

I always thought we would get along better as friends or acquaintances as there is too much history and hurt with us as a couple. Maybe now is the perfect time to have that friendship back whilst Willow is still young.

There is absolutely no hatred,bitterness or anger towards you anymore and the stuff you did to not only me,but Willow and other girls too. I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me too for the things I’ve said and done during the heartbreak and anger of it all.

Our families clearly loathe eachother,my Mum won’t be the runaround or point of contact anymore so we have to grow up and handle this ourselves. I just want to clear the air and do right by our daughter.

Love Always, Leah x

 

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Names I Love But Won’t Be Using

I’ve seen a lot of people doing this recently on YouTube and although I’m not pregnant,I thought it would be fun to do. Growing up I’ve always had a list of names I love and wanted for my hundreds of future babies,however,now I’m older the sad reality that I’ll probably have about three instead has kicked in. Also,naming the children is a joint decision and not just mine-which as you can imagine,shocked me especially when we ended up going for Levi’s name choice for our daughter?? like huh? I carried her for 9 months and I didn’t get to chose her name? Hmpfh.

(I am kidding btw I love her name and we wouldn’t have gone for it if I didn’t like it!)

Here are names I love love love love and love but we won’t be using for our future kiddies! Don’t hold me to it though as you never know in a few years what name will stick! I haven’t included any names we might definitely be using as I want to keep them for myself and I don’t want them to be stolen by friends lol.

Girls: 

Troian- I love this name. I think it is so damn pretty and unusual,I’ve never come across anyone called this in my life. I know of Troian Bellisario but never got into PLL but I do adore this name. We won’t be using this though as I’m too scared to suggest it to Levi and having his roast me for it.

Elara- Theres no particular reason I wouldn’t use this other than there are names I much prefer to this,I do think its really cute and unusual though.

Lennon- I love this name for a girl,I think its adorable,however, I don’t see Levi ever agreeing nor would I want Willow to be the only W.

Amelie/Amalie- This name is one of my favourites but I think it is too similar to the name Amelia and we have an Amelia in our family.

Amelia- Again, I love this name but we have an Amelia in our family already and I feel like its become very common and popular now.

Mia- I love this name but Levi has an ex called Mia. I will be honest and say it is still very high up in our list and his ex hasn’t completely put us off,its just more the reaction we would receive from people who know of his ex like what is friends would say etc-if that makes any sense?

Fifi– I think this name is so damn cute but all I can think of is Fifi and the flowertops and the song just plays repeatedly in my head and drives me to insanity.

Aurora- I freakin love this name. Obviously Levi has to hate it. Any Disney Princess names I end up absolutely adoring and how cute would Rory be as a nickname?? Just yes!

Ariel- The Little Mermaid is my favourite Disney film ever so it was obvious to me I would end up naming my future daughter Ariel. Not on Levi’s watch,he hates any Disney Princess names etc and wants them to be super unique so I might just take one of her sisters names and he won’t even notice *smirks*.

Pippa- I love this name but then Willow decided Peppa Pig was her favourite TV show and I think they’re very similar. I loved the name Pippi as a nickname too like Pippi Longstocking-I thought that would’ve been adorable!

Piper- I love this name so much but Levi doesn’t and it just reminds us of Piper Chapman from OITNB and she annoys the f*** out of me.

Summer- I love this name but my cousin is called Somer (pronounced the same).

Nova- Someone I know has a dog called this.

Nora- Levi hates it.

Mimi- It reminds me of someone who irritates me. Its so annoying when a nice name gets ruined by an absolute ass of a person.

Violet- Because Willow is Willow Rose which is Tree Flower, we thought we would name our next child Violet *insert a tree middle name* so they were Flower Tree but we soon grew out of that idea..I thought it was cute for awhile and they would fit nice together.

Polly– Reminds me of Parrots and I have a cat called Poppy so they’re very similar.

Maggie- I love this name. I love every famous person I can think of associated with this name. Maggie Smith,Maggie Simpson and Maggie Lindemann yaaas but Levi said it reminds him of old people? but then again,using that logic would mean that she would suit that name as an elderly woman but whatever.

Georgia- I have a brother called George.

Madison- I have a cousin called Madison.

Isla- Levi doesn’t like it because he always pronounces it as Is-la instead of I-la.

Sailor- Levi just laughed when I suggested this one.

Siren- Levi laughed when I suggested this one too.

Elsie- Reminds me of Elsa and I hate Frozen with a passion. I didn’t mind it until my brothers watched it on repeat,every single day, none stop- for about 6 months.

Ella- Levi has a cousin with this name who is just a massive *insert choice of word* and although no one speaks to her anymore,I wouldn’t want to use this name because of the association it has for his family and the drama etc.

Aria- LOVE. Levi hates. Again,never got into PLL but this name has always stood out to me and one of my simself’s many daughters (on Sim)actually has this name. I just love short names that sound princessy and girly but I also love boys names for girls too…hmm…idk.

Kenny- My Grandad is called Ken(neth) and we’re really close. I don’t think I could ever suggest this name to Levi though because he would hate it and frankly I’d be very offended if he shit on it.

Bea/Bee- I think this name is adorable for a girl like calling her ‘my little Bee’ ugh yes but no from Levi. He’s like Simon Cowell always saying bloody no.

Millie- My Aunt rudely took this name as well as Summer(Somer) and Madison for her damn dog. Just rude tbfh.

Skylar- You guessed it. Levi said no.

Zuri- I like that it begins with Z. I don’t think I ever suggested this one to Levi but I just know it doesn’t float his boat and its not my personal absolute favourite.

Zoe- My dog is called Zoe. I hate my dog.

Boys:

This list is significantly shorter,I find boys names so hard to think of and I just low-key find them a bit boring to be perfectly honest.

Jackson- “Got stolen” by my friend Saph who’s due in August,she’s having a Jaxson and Levi doesn’t like the name-shock horror.

Ashton- My sister always used to say Aston Merrygold (From JLS) in a really annoying voice because she thought it was funny. It wasn’t.

Liam- I’ve only ever come across people with this name whom I hate and it kinda ruined the name for me. Shoutout to Liam from Tracy Beaker Returns aka the first love of my life though.

Luke- Again,only know people with this name who ruined it for me so bye bye.

Ezra- I swear this name didn’t come from PLL. I didn’t know for the longest time but its clear the PLL writers have good naming tastes. Levi won’t use this one as his best friend wants a son named Enzo and they’re too similar.

Jamie- This is such a cute guys name but I have an ex with this name so moving on.

James- This is Levi’s middle name. I thought it would be kinda cute to have Levi and our son share a name but he doesn’t agree!

Hunter- Levi..hates…it…

Louis- Levi also hates it..and its very close to one of my exes names so no thank you.

Bradley- I love this name and love how it can be shortened to Brad but its just meh now.

Storm- Levi said no.

Ryder- Levi laughed at me and said absolutely not.

Tyger- Reminds me of Tyger-Drew Honey and all I can think of now is that weird sex documentary he did.

There’s probably a million names I’ve left off and I could do a few hundred of these blogposts but these are the names that came to mind first. We are set on a boys name for our future son (if we have one) so I aint too worried there unless I end up with two sons..oh..

As for girls we’re stumped but we ain’t in any rush or panic and we won’t be having anymore for at least 5 years as we want to be married and in our own place etc first and we’re just enjoying each day with Willow for now!

Let me know what names you like both from the list and off your own so I can pinch some ideas for Sims characters lmao.

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Willow’s Ninth Month Update

This month Willow has been having a lot of firsts.She played in sand and the paddling for the first time and she had the best time ever,she was so excited!

She’s picked up the speed with her crawling and she’s started standing up on her own two feet with no support.

She has also started doing little dances and its the darn cutest thing I ever did see.

Being the little cheeky monkey she is she is always in everything and opening the drawers.

Her new favourite toy is a laalaa from the teletubbies soft toy,it talks and frankly its really creepy. Her favourite game is knocking down tower blocks and laughing at me in the process.

She’s finally started feeding herself her bottles! She would rather not though,of course.

Apparently she has forgotten the word ‘Mama’ since the last update and she’s always saying ‘Dada’ so alrighty then(!)

But my Einstein says so many words now,its actually hard to keep up! Some of them are hi,hiya,bye,yeah,no,Dada,Mama,Emma, Drink, DinDin and ‘whats that?’

When asked if she has done a poo,she will lie and say no then laugh as she crawls at super speed to hide behind the sofa.

She has started pointing at everyone and everything,its absolutely adorable and she loses it and starts laughing like crazy when you point back at her.

Food wise,she really really loves pasta! Her wee italian side is showing (Her Dad,not me unfortunately)

Speaking of her italian side, I AM SO JEALOUS OF HOW WELL SHE TANS. WHAT THE HECK?!

A few days ago,she kept going behind the sofa, I eventually moved it to see what was soooo interesting that she had to keep going there. Turns out-she had a secret stash of her snack foods from earlier that day and kept going back when she wanted them..

If you read the Eighth Month Update, you’ll know she kept passing out. The past month,she’s only passed out twice as opposed to the passing out daily as she was doing back then! As for the dimple at the bottom of her spine,we still haven’t heard back with a hospital appointment.

Our health visitor finally weighed her and she weighs 16lb 3oz! She also mentioned that Willow is really advanced for her age and I feel like the proudest Mama on earth.

She’s also being booked in for an eye test as she has a bit of a lazy eye and a hearing test as routine due to my own hearing loss!

Its so mad how babies have personalities from the first day and as a parent you can just tell instantly what their likes and dislikes are. Willow has never been much of a cryer and that still stands to this day. She will accidentally smack herself in the face and not give a shit,then I’ll be sat there trying to hold back tears.

I would also like to mention that I do keep some stuff to myself in terms of what she does as I don’t feel like sharing every little accomplishment and achievement but I do tweet daily about her and shes always on my snapchat doing cute stuff!

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Donating My Eggs At 19?

Hi guys,

That is so weird. I literally never say hi, I just jump right in with the post usually but this post felt like it needed a little introduction.

On June 2nd 2017, I saw an advert on Facebook about Egg Donors. I don’t know why but I felt drawn and just needed to click on it. I read the comments filled with peoples stories of infertility and I was heartbroken. Some of these stories didn’t have happy endings but others said egg donations enabled them to become parents.

I remembered the day the two lines showed up on my pregnancy test,that instant need to protect Willow set in. The first time I saw her on the scan and the disbelief that my own tiny human baby was growing inside me. Finally,the day she was born and placed in my arms for the first time,that instant connection,overwhelming love and forever bond.

I thought about that and how amazing it is to become a parent. I then imagined what it would be like to not be able to because of the menopause or infertility.

I thought about my Mum and the struggle she went through to get pregnant with me. I might not have been there but my parents had been together from 17, she was trying for years after they wed and didn’t conceive me until she was 28 thanks to a fertility drug. (She has four of us now!)

Unfortunately,fertility drugs and IVF don’t work for everyone and an egg or sperm donor is another way to have that forever love.

I’ve always said if a family member or a friend needed a surrogate then I’d do it in an absolute heartbeat. No hesitation. Hell, I’d do it for an absolute stranger if the timing was right.

Why should donating eggs be any different to that? I still get to help people do the greatest role of all..minus the pregnancy.

I read the websites FAQ and found out the answers to all my questions. It was absolutely something I needed and wanted to do. I had this idea that if I could help someone,whether it was one family or ten (ten families is the limit each donor has)then I was going to bloody do it. Nothing was going to stop me from helping other families grow.

This in no way changes any future plans I have to grow my own family and give Willow siblings some day. I still intend on having 3 or more of my own but whilst I’m not expanding my brood..I can help others start and complete theres and I think theres something extremely beautiful about that.

As for people who think I’ll have children all up and down the world by doing this..you’re extremely wrong. I personally believe to be a parent, you have to do the raising and nurturing. You have to be there for milestones and birthdays,the falls and the fallouts. I would just be the donor helping these people become Mum’s and Dad’s.

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Screenshot from manchesterdonors.com

I ended up applying after receiving the backing of my Mum and boyfriend. I’m currently waiting to hear back with my first appointment! Fingers crossed everything goes well and I can continue with this incredible journey.

 

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Willow’s Eighth Month Update

I can’t believe shes 9 months already. Its killing me that in 3 months (more or less) she’s going to be ONE.

Anyways little madam has two little teeth,she likes biting everything and everyone with and laughing her head off.

We’ve also started brushing he lil peggys with her own little pink toothbrush-she hates it and pulls a disgusted face. I think it must be the texture?

Trying to stand on her own two feet without holding onto anything and then getting overly giddy when she does and falling over.

She now likes to sing ‘la la la’ whenever someone else is singing a song-its so cute.

She sits on the floor dancing to her ‘If you’re happy and you know it’  music sing a long book and its the cutest thing ever.

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The only word she ever says nowadays seems to be ‘Mama’ she can also say “Emma” and “Drink?”-well something close to that,more like “Drin Drin”.

She also does high fives!! Now we need to work on blowing kisses.

Peek-A-Boo still remains her favourite game.

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She has also decided that under a very tiny side table is her new den. She likes to hide under there and come up with mischievous monkey plans.

Recently,shes been quite poorly which means over the past few days shes just been napping all the time. She’s had a horrible temperature and lots of calpol.

Unrelated to that,shes also been having ‘absences’ where she goes limp/floppy and stares into space or she just passes out. Its horrible and very scary. However,we’ve been told its normal and some babies do this when crying but we won’t know for definite if its that until our upcoming Doctors appointment.

Photo on 03-05-2017 at 14.55 #3

We took her to the farm for the first time and she didn’t give a single flying duck about any of the animals. She was just looking around in utter disgust-probably at the smell of poop,such a princess. The one animal she was somewhat interested in was all the budgies and parrots they had,she kept waving and trying to get to them.

She’s currently obsessed with empty lucozade bottles..she just likes playing with them. I don’t even bother questioning her anymore.

She has a dolly my Grandma got her for Easter,which she carries around with her like her own little baby and oh my god its adorable. She also gets really jealous when I cuddle it and call it ‘my baby’,she’ll throw dolly on the floor and fake cry til I pick her up and cuddle her instead.

Photo on 03-05-2017 at 16.06

She takes after me and loves her fruits and veggies but she really really really doesn’t like chocolate pudding. I’m not being funny but as a parent you try the foods you’re giving your child to check its not to hot etc and the chocolate pudding is SO GOOD. Its the kind of thing I’d eat in primary school? Strange baby.

When Willow was smaller,someone would stroke her hair as I fed her bottle to help her fall asleep. Miss Independent strokes her own hair when someone else isn’t there now and its the cutest thing ever-that or she rips my hair out instead.

She started drinking water out of her beaker by herself but still cant take the weight off the milk bottle-or she is just lazy..really lazy.

They’re all the things I can think off at the top of my head! I really need to start making note as I go along rather than rushing and using my Mum brain(known for its bad memory) at the end of each month!

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Hope you all enjoy the low quality Macbook photobooth photos! I’ve not got a phone or camera at the moment so this has had to make do.She still looks hella cute tho.

Update: Since this post,Willow has been to the Doctors and we’ve been told to “keep an eye on it”. She also has a deep dimple at the bottom of her spine thats been there since birth and she’s been referred to a specialist about it as they want to check theres definitely skin at the bottom of it.(Which there is because when she was a newborn the hole was a lot bigger and not as deep! Just a safety precaution really so no worries there.)

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Willow’s Seven Month Update

I know I’ve said this in Willow’s Six Month Update but the difference is insane!

She’s finally crawling properly!! She has figured it out and there is absolutely no stopping her,she is constantly on the move. You look away for one second and bam she’s on the other side of the room.

She can sit up without falling over! This also means we can finally start Baby Led Weaning! We got advised not to start until she was able to sit up properly on her own to avoid choking risks etc.

Willow is pulling herself up on everything. She has also started using the sofa to bounce..I am constantly running around after her,she is truly a cheeky little monkey.

She understands the word ‘no’,instead of listening,she laughs at you like the devils child and continues doing whatever it is she’s up to.

I think I’ve mentioned this before,she is obsessed with Poppy (the cat),she no longer pulls her tail and the cat has given her a few cat kisses!! I love it when my children get along!

When we’re handing her toys or food,she now says ‘Ta’ and its absolutely adorable! Or she will just snatch it and shove it straight into her mouth.

At her last weigh in,she weighed 14lbs 2oz and her cheeks are really filling out,she looks like a little chipmunk!

She got her first bruise! She fell over onto a toy when playing with it and bruised her eye 😦

She also received her first allergic reaction! We’ve known Willow is allergic to dairy and lactose since she was about two months old and recently she broke out in a rash everywhere,we still haven’t figured out what to though.

She is very cuddly and likes jumping on people and attacking them-so nothing new there then.

Lastly..

SHE IS TRYING TO WALK. HELL TO THE NO.

I’m sure there are a few things I’ve missed here and there but these are some of my favourite things she has been up to this month!

 

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10 Things I Do Miss About Pregnancy

A while ago I wrote 10 Things I Don’t Miss About Pregnancy…as bad as I made it sound previously,pregnancy isn’t all bad so here are some things I do miss!

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  1. Feeling baby kick and move. Straight up my favourite thing about being pregnant. The first time freaked me tf out but once she stopped,I poked my belly to get her to move again and equally freaked out. ITS THE BEST THING EVER.
  2. Eating whatever and whenever I wanted. Honestly, my appetite when pregnant was shit. Completely shit..I craved the weirdest stuff like Marzipan??and the excuse ‘I’m eating for two’ never mattered because I couldn’t even finish one portion. The best thing was when I got a craving I could eat it,whether it be 2am or 2pm and no one would say anything because pregnant.
  3. Scans. Seeing my baby weekly was one of the highlights of my pregnancy. Incase you don’t know,most pregnancies you usually only get 3 scans;a dating scan,a twelve week scan and a twenty week scan(gender scan). However,we had a few complications so I pretty much got to see Willow every week after 25 weeks and it was great just knowing she was doing good.
  4. Hair growth. My hair grew and got so thick during pregnancy-a ridiculous amount.  It was also super healthy and shiny!What more does a girl want? After she was born tho,I got it cut and I regret that more than anything.
  5. NO PERIODS!! Do I need to say anymore?
  6.  Making friends with all the Mums. Whether it be a mutual on Facebook,someone you used to go to school with or a random in the street,if they are pregnant or already have kids-you’re more than likely to end up friends with them. You will compare notes,discuss names,symptoms and when baby is born you’ll arrange baby play dates. Its like a whole new secret world.
  7. Baby brain. Even though I’m convinced it stays with you once you’ve had children,I can no longer use it as an excuse because I’m not pregnant and people just tell me I’m thick.When I was pregnant everyone would pin it on baby brain. *Sigh*
  8. Boyfriend talking to bump. This was one of the cutest things he did. He would talk in depth about all the father-daughter adventures they’d get up to and when she fractured my ribs-he gave her a telling off.
  9. Shopping. SO MUCH SHOPPING. I had an excuse to buy all things baby and myself some new bits and bobs for my forever growing bump! Another bonus is whoever I was with,often insisted on paying because babies are expensive. So..free shopping??
  10. NAPS. Do you think they exist anymore? Hahahaha.

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